


This Ain't Love

by nagi_schwarz



Series: Paint The Sky With Stars [1]
Category: Night World - Fandom, Stargate Atlantis
Genre: AU, Alternate Universe - Shapeshifters, Alternate Universe - Vampire, Crossover, Fusion, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-15
Updated: 2016-05-15
Packaged: 2018-06-08 14:33:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 643
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6858922
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nagi_schwarz/pseuds/nagi_schwarz
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Written for the comment_fic prompt: "Stargate Multiverse, Any, <i>Why am I so emotional? / No, it's not a good look, gain some self-control / And deep down I know this never works / But you can lay with me so it doesn't hurt / Oh, won't you stay with me? / 'Cause you're all I need / This ain't love, it's clear to see / But darling, stay with me"</i></p><p>John doesn't love Evan, but he wants him to stay. For now.</p>
            </blockquote>





	This Ain't Love

Evan stirred, and John came awake. Damn Evan and his ridiculously precise internal clock. John opened one eye, peered through the darkness at the little digital clock on his desk. There were still two hours before the next shift began. It would be a couple of shift cycles before they were on the same shift again, but their schedule as it was allowed them brief time together. Time enough for a quick tumble between the sheets and then one or the other of them to get up and go about their duties, but not much else. No dates. They didn’t have the same designated Sundays, because giving the military commander and his 2IC the same Sunday was unthinkable. Evan started to slide out of the bed, and John hooked an arm around his waist, dragged him backward.

And Evan - Evan let himself be pulled back along the warmth of John’s body, as pliable as a ragdoll cat. He even purred as he rolled over and settled himself against John’s chest, tucked under his chin and curled close. John knew he was being a bastard of the highest order, because he didn’t love Evan. Liked him, sure. Evan was handsome, and smart, and funny, and a genuinely nice person. John wasn’t nice. Not at all, because John let Evan into his life and into his bed but never into his heart, and Evan came to John’s bed every night with his heart on his sleeve.

John remembered the first - and only - time he’d fed on Rodney, the hot-slick-spicy rush of blood down his throat, through his veins, the way Rodney felt in his arms, pressed up against him. What he remembered more than Rodney’s body and blood was his mind. It had been so - alive. A riot of color and movement. Where most minds looked like static objects - Cousin Jade’s mind was intricate, silver filigree, Cousin Ash’s was dark and tangled and thorny, with flashes of iridescent color among the shadows - Rodney’s was a galaxy. His mind was light and motion, swirls and explosions, stars and supernovas dancing and climbing over each other and tripping their way to the top as he solved puzzle after puzzle after puzzle.

John remembered when his mind first met Rodney’s and he felt it, that jolt, that bolt of lightning, realization striking at midnight and lighting the world up like the noonday sun.

_I know you._

And he’d pulled away, because he’d drunk too much, because he’d heard of that sensation, and he knew, with fatalistic certainty: they were soulmates.

He closed his eyes against the memory, because just thinking of that connection, bright and shining, made the ache in his chest deepen tenfold, because he’d broken it, wrenched it away and and turned his back on it. He missed Rodney fiercely, missed him all the time even though he was constantly right there, underfoot and chattering away and being annoying. John had been fast enough, Rodney didn’t know, didn’t realize what he was missing, and he couldn’t know.

Because John had left that part of himself behind, left behind the Night World and the politics and the magic, because he was a soldier. This was the life he’d chosen for himself, his father’s ruling hand be damned.

He ached with the missing of Rodney, but with Evan in his arms, the ache hurt a little less.

He heard the shift in Evan’s breathing, the tension in his body. Evan was holding deliberately still, which meant he was restless, was mentally pacing the confines of his tiger cage. He started to stir again.

John tightened his old around Evan’s waist and whispered, “Stay with me.”

Evan’s smile in the darkness was heartbreakingly loving, but this wasn’t love, not for John. John leaned in and kissed Evan anyway, and for the next little while, Evan was all he needed.


End file.
